I contacted Unemployment but I didn't get anywhere either. Apparently, she is looking for a copy of my application to view the Disability Disclaimer that they have on there. When I spoke with Unemployemnt, they told me that they would be able to provide that if she would have asked for it two years ago but now everything is automated and they don't have any printouts of anything. This does not mean that it's all computer generated, this means that it's all done through a voice automated application system that they are currently using. So, Rebecca cannot get the printout or any application for her paperwork. It just isn't available.

Nonetheless, I am just happy that I've been approved!

I wne to my therapy session with Johnathon today. He really seems to be very helpful and very intuitive. He's already brought up a few things that I hadn't even thought of. The mind and body are tricky little things when they want to be. Apparently there seems to be a few possibilities for the cause of my panic attacks.

Possibility #1 - My body is tired of running around all working 60 or so hours a week, doing all of the family stuff and doing all of the friend stuff all of the time and has basically just shut itself down via my subconscious to force me to give it a break.

Possibility #2 - My subconscious has dialed in on a glitch in my personality regarding the "fixer" title that I've been assigned throughout the years. Basically, my subconscious knows that I'm tired of fixing everyone else's problems, including my employer's, and is forcing my conscious mind to get a clue and realize the same thing.

Possibility #3 - My subconscious knows that I am not being true to myself in the current profession that I am in. It knows that this is not where I saw my life going and has decided to shut down my body to force me to take a look at what direction I really want to be headed in. Basically, the back of my mind knows that I always saw myself as an advocate for those that were less intelligent, didn't have the resources or were just less fortunate that most and is forcing me to stop and take a look at how my goal in life has shifted to helping Corporations getting their profits enlarged and their butt saved thanks to my wonderfully honed "fixing" skill.

Possibility #4 - The panic attacks have been very specifically brought on by the fact that I have hyperthyroidism that isn't being treated and has sort of back-fired on me with the changing of the hormone guard somewhere around my turning 30.

Any way you look at it, I've got some work ahead of me. My homework is to find a PCP that has a lab on-site so that I do not have to travel long distances to get my thyroid examined. Additional homework includes sitting down to identify evident to validate or nullify the other 3 options. When I finish with this list, it should give us a good place to get started. Obviously, the one with the most hard evidence to validate it is probably the place we will start working on. My treatment will probably include Mantra Meditation if the problem seems to be with either P #1 or P #2. This will take some time. Good thing I have until next Friday to complete the process.

I spoke with Ted today. He's sick! I told him not to kiss me because I thought I was really sick and not just having a bout with my allergies but his just had to kiss me anyway. Not that I minded but now he's sick and I feel really bad. Here it is a week since I got sick and I'm still dealing with the chest congestion and the clogged sinuses. Anyway, I told him so to begin with. LOL

Other than that, I went to my therapy appointment by the main streets today. I didn't take any back roads and I didn't avoid any street lights and I did beautifully! I even came home via the street lights. I'm proud of myself. I didn't have any attacks during either leg of the trip and I did great!

I came home and worked on my cross-stitch for awhile, watched a movie then went to run a couple of errands with Matthew. When we returned, I put in Dracula 2000 and vegged in front of the TV for awhile.

Tomorrow, Rob is coming over to finish putting the last arch in the ground for me. Right not, it's sort of leaning like the Tower of Pizza due to the weight of the Bogi arms that are tied to it. When he's done, Denice and Xeth will come over so that we can all throw some kabobs on the grill for dinner. I'll be making pasta salad and a regular green salad to go with the kabobs. I can smell it all cooking now........