Anyway, I'm still tired and sick. Not much happening on the home front. I was up all night coughing up a lung and didn't get much sleep. I tried to take a nap today but ended up doing exactly the same thing. I have been taking the medicine regularly today and drinking tons of water in the hopes that I can kick this bug because I really hate being sick.

I finally got a call from UNUM's vocational person regarding my long-term disability claim. She and I spoke for about 1-1/2 hours this morning. She's spoken with my ex-boss, reviewed my medical records and asked a ton of questions. She was very satified with my responses. She is recommending that UNUM approve my long-term claim and said that when I start seeing progress in leaps that I need to give her a call so that she can help wean me back into the workforce again. I was very impressed with some suggestions that she had for working with me in the future and I'm really looking forward to improvement in my current condition.

I am pleased that I've finally spoken to someone that doesn't think I'm trying to use the system. I guess the population at large really thinks that most people love sitting on their ass against their will constantly stressing about their condition and how they are going to pay their bills.

Believe it or not, this was not the design that I had in mind for my life. I really love working. I love getting paid well. I love having money to do things with Matthew. I love being able to help Mom with the money that I have. I love being able to visit my friends and family whenever I please. I love taking long vacations with my son. Sometimes I feel as though I've been banned from all of the things that I love in my life. Granted, I could do with a little less stress. But who couldn't?

I miss my life. I miss the old me. I know that the future "me" will be stronger for having gone through these experiences because that's always been the case with past hardships. Still, I wish I didn't have to get strong by dealing with the panic attacks.

I think that most people, myself included, really understimate the power of their subconscious. I honestly thought that I would have these attacks whipped within a month or two at the most. Surprise! My subconscious had other things in mind. I know that God never gives you more than you can handle but sometimes I really wish that he didn't have so much faith in me! LOL

I found out that my work-at-home opportunity has fallen through. Apparently, the company has decided to cancel that portion of their business so my services will not be needed. That really sucks because I really needed something to do and I really need to start working again. I think that if I can start working again, even from home, that I will start to have more confidence, less time to think about the attacks and I might start seeing large improvements with my current attacks. Oh well, nothing in life is perfect.