I'm so sick of being told that I need to eliminate stress in my life in order to get the panic attacks to stop. That, my dears, is a crock of shit. No matter how much stress I am physically in control of and can eliminate there are so many external stress factors that are not only not my doing but definitely out of my control. These attacks cannot be a factor of stress. I have always, still currently and probably will always have large amounts of stress in my life. Thus the plague of attacks cannot be stress related.

Maybe they are caused by so many people in my family trying to inflict upon me the pearls of wisdom that they have found in their perfectly led lives to help me better my own life. Maybe they are caused by too many people in my family trying to tell me how to run my life. Maybe they are caused by my family. Why couldn't I have been an only child?! Then, I would have born the brunt of everything that went on in the family instead of it having been dealt out in even doses to the eight of us successively.

Oh, I don'tmean to rag on my family. I love them, most of them, very much. I'm just tired of all of their advice and criticisms. I think that they should stop focusing on me and my life. They have their own lives, why not focus on that?!

Okay, enough bitching. I'm just tired and crabby. I'm very tired. I know that nobody has a perfect life. I know that I'm not entitled to one because nobody else is allowed to have one. I just like to dream about it from time to time.

These panic attacks are, by far, the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life. This is the only problem that I have ever been faced with where I have felt helpless. This is the only problem that I have ever been faced with where I couldn't come up with a solution in a split second. This is the only issue that has come up in my life that I have been completely overcome by and consumed. To the point that I really cannot see a way to get out. It's almost as if I'm living in a black hole. Light ceases to exists and I cannot escape.

There has to be a way, it's just that I can't seem to find it.