I'm really tired this morning. Couldn't sleep worth a crap last night. I went to bed before 11pm, was up at 3:46am, was up at 6:23am and then again at 8:46am. At that point, I decided to just get up. I've got to get my butt in gear because I have a parent/teacher conference this afternoon that I need to get to. This trip is tough for me because of the distance and the limitations of my route to get there. If I don't make it, maybe we'll do a parent/teacher conference call!

I read something this morning that prompted me to think about men and dating. Something I haven't thought about for a while. I've been seeing someone for almost a year now and things are going great. I love that he is more than 20 years my senior. I love that he has his house & I have mine. I love that niether of us ut any sort of expectations on the either for time. I've finally found a relationship that I want to be in. We get along great (this doesn't mean we agree on everything), we enjoy each other's company, we have great sex, we both have our own lives that we live separately but talk about together. The thing that I most appreciate is that there isn't any pressure for anything.

I've always had really bad relationships. I've left some of them because of who they were around me. For example, I don't avoid people because of their height or weight and I dated a short but heavy-set man once. When we were alone together, things were great. When we went out together, he became loug and obnoxious. Almost as if he wanted to draw attention to us for show. He was 5 ft. 4-1/2 in. tall and weighed about 210 lbs. I was 5 ft. 7 in. tall and weighed about 116 lbs. Anyway, I've also left quite of few of them because I didn't like who I was around them. I've had a history of getting involved with men who have tragedies. These men always seem to be the ones that need you to take care of them and put up with all of their psychotic bull crap because nobody else will. They've been drug addicts, alcoholics, mental abusers, etc. For some reason, in each relationship I reached a point where I stood looking at myself in the mirror after a fight and realized that I didn't like who I became when I was around them. I missed myself when I was around them. Noticing this about myself while in a relationship was just devastating to me because I let myself down. That was the worst thing of all for me. I tend to be very introspective and watch what kind of person I am because I know who I want to be as a human being.

Sometimes we get caught up in other people and their issues. We forget that we are individuals and that we have our own issues. We may morph into who they want or need, bypassing our own wants and needs. I know that I haven't been on this planet as long as others but there are a few things that I've learned while being here. 1)ALWAYS be true to yourself. 2)NEVER lie about who you are to anyone, not even yourself. 3)Endeavor to know yourself well and the things that you want to be as a person. Then go out and be that person. 4)ALWAYS have a place where you can be by yourself. Silence is definitely under-rated. And finally........ 5)Treasure your family/frineds. You never know how much time you'll have with them.