I seem to be full of them today. I've come to the realization that I cannot change other people.

I can semi-control the teenager that frequents my house but I cannot control or change the way Scotty behaves. I've decided that I'm going to put up with his antics until he goes back to California with Colleen. When/If he comes back, I'm going to tell him that he needs to get a place of his own quickly. I cannot change the fact that he refuses to grow up and show me or Matthew any type of respect.

Scotty & Colleen may be used to people doing things for them all of the time and handing them everything but I'm not. I've always had to work very hard for anything that I got. I've worked hard to get my life under control, worked hard to get this house, worked hard to take care of Matthew in the best way that I knew how. I've worked hard to make myself into a person that I'm proud of. I've worked hard to really understand other people and be sympathetic or empathetic towards them depending on the situation and where my heart leads me. I've worked very hard to learn as much about myself as humanly possible so that I know why I think and do certain things. I think I'm a great person. I love people, I love life, I love GOD. I endeavor to become a better person every day of my life. I don't always succeed but I always wake up with that intention.

I've come to the realization that I cannot keep my mother from turning into her mother. All I can do is love her as she is. I've come to realize that my son will become the person that he chooses to become whether I like it or not. All I can do is love him as he grows and adapts. I've come to the realization that I don't allow him to be responsible for all of his actions and that he will never learn if I keep pulling his ass out of the shit he gets himself into.