I had a hard time getting ready for my appointment with the JOBS program. It seems that if I just get up off the couch & decide to rent movies I have an easier time than if I know I have someplace to be at a specific time. I went to the appointment with Kara and she left for court from there. I must have waited around for at least 15 minutes before they called me back for the interview with my caseworker. My caseworker did the read the letter from the doc, had me fill out some papers and said she would see me in September. All that stress of driving for 15 minutes of her time. I had to drive home by myself. I did pretty well until I got stuck at the light close to home. It was all I could do to keep from getting out of the truck. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I used to love driving. Now, I get a panic attack just thinking about getting into the truck.

I really hate this. I want my old life back. Mr. Janney said that he thinks we can fix the panic attacks in about 2 months. That seems like such a short time compared to the six months that I've had to deal with them but it still seems so far away. To think that it could be June or later before I'm able to drive normally and go back to work again!

I get so stressed out sitting at home worrying about how I'm going to get my bills paid. I sit so much that my tailbone hurts constantly. I don't think I've ever spent this much time on my ass in my life! I try to think of things to do so I'm up doing something but there are only so many times you can scrub the floors before you wear spots in the wood and after awhile there doesn't ever seem to be anything to clean. I can't do laundry every day because there isn't enough for a load in the washer. I've rearranged my kitchen, my shed & my bedroom about 20 times in six months. I've only done the living room a few times because it makes Matthew mad.

I have to find a job where I can work at home so I can keep myself busy. ARGGGHHHHHH! Maybe tomorrow will be better. I can clean the house from top to bottom to get ready for my birthday BBQ on Saturday.