I asked him why I had a nervous breakdown. I was very surprised but relieved by his response. He told me that it was because of my life thus far and how it hadn't changed. Ever since I was a child, I was made to be responsible for other people's actions and their responsibilities. My mom would get mad at me if she came home from work and all the chores weren't done including the ones that belonged to my sisters and brother. She used to tell me that I was too young to go anywhere so I didn't have any excuse for not getting them done. This pattern evolved throughout my life. I've always been responsible for taking care of other people's problems, fixing things and the one people would call when they just didn't know what do. Basically, the nervous breakdown was caused because I was finally at a point in my life where those things had all gone away and my mind freaked out. The divorce was final, Denice had healed from all of her surgeries, Xeth was healthy, my house was finally empty of guests, I just received a promotion and raise at work, mom was finally mobile on her own since we bought her a car and things were so calm that I was finally able to relax and do things that I've always wanted to do. My mind thought that something was wrong because of the things that it had been trained to be "normal" were gone. It had no chaos. It had no stress. It had nobody else's problems to fix and it couldn't deal with the differences.

Now that I know what is the problem. I have to go through precognitive behavioral therapy to eliminate my mind's need for that chaos. I have to retrain my mind to know that it's okay for me to relax. It's okay for me to spend my money on things that I want and not on bailing other people out of their messes. It's okay for me to rent videos and cross-stitch at night after Matthew goes to bed. It's okay for me to finally relax and live my own life without being responsible for everyone else. It's going to be tough but Mr. Janney thinks I'll be able to do this in just a couple of months.

In the meantime, I am going to start looking for jobs that I can do at home. I still need to be busy to make myself happy. I don't like sitting around on my ass 24/7. I think I'll search the web for work-at-home opportunities. I'm the best in my field in AZ so I should have too much trouble finding something I can do from home with my skills.